Blended Family Moments: From The Outside Looking In: Dealing ...

A little more than a week ago, the world found out about Whitney Houston's passing. The death of the Pop icon left the world in disbelief. One can sort of comprehend the death of a loved one when that person has been battling a prolonged illness, had a long period of hospitalization, and/or has an experimental surgery. However, when someone dies unexpectedly, there is?often?no time to prepare. There is not time to reconcile differences or to tell them that you care. As a Whitney Houston fan, her death was an unexpected blow that, at most, left me wondering where would I would ever find soulful and powerful pop music like her's again. I grew up listening to her music. I sang her music in an International Modeling and Talent competition in California way back in 1994. (Parenthetically,?I didn't do it?justice as she was at the top of her game back then.)?

As a fan, I have been bombarded with pictures of her (and songs) since her death. As hard as it is for me to comprehend what happened- what I am feeling probably does not begin to compare to the sense of loss felt by?her family, friends and those that knew her personally.?I must admit: I sometimes feel guilty about having the "audacity" to grieve so deeply for a person that I am not personally connected to. However, that is how grief is sometimes. It is a deep mental anguish,?synonymous?with regret. ?While my regrets are different then those of her family and friends - the feelings are still there.

The feelings that I feel as a Whitney Houston fan, are not extremely different from the feelings that would be felt by members of?a blended family during a loss. Many ex-spouse's, step-grand children, step-children, step-parents, half-siblings and other blended family members?experience?grief when a member of their step or blended family passes away. There are times when the biological family is overwhelmed with the responsibility that comes with loss - and is still processing the events that lead to their beloved family member's death. As a result; they and are unable to process the fact that an ex-spouse and/or step-family?member?is?also?grieving?the loss of the deceased. ?They don't always deliberately exclude the ex-spouse or step-family members. They often don't realize that the ex-spouse/step-family members are also grieving. Given the circumstances of divorce and/or?separation the grief displayed by an ex-spouse/step-family member can be difficult for biological family members to understand. It can also leave the ex-spouse/step-family member feeling like they are on the outside of the situation looking in.

?It is important for ex-souses/step-family members to remember these things:

1. You are entitled to feel grief and loss for your ex and/or step-family member.?
2. Seek professional counselling for any unresolved issues. While blogs and online articles may assist you in understanding the feelings and thoughts you are?experiencing; they are not intended to give a person medical or psychological?advice for their individual situation. Speaking with a?counselor, your religious leader and/or your company's Employee Assistance Program can give you personal assistance.
3. Find a way to celebrate the person's memory/life. Ex spouses and blended family members have done this by attending their loved ones funeral, writing in a journal/diary, holding a small?separate?memorial service in their home/candle light vigil; as well as by using their individual artistic abilities to express their feelings. (Creating collages and music)
4. The biological family may not know they are hurting you. They may be overwhelmed by their loss. There are many things that have to be taken into consideration when a loved one dies, and it is difficult to have the?wherewithal to remember it all.?

Click the link to read the 5 page PDF released by The Hospice of Valley Bereavement Department on Coping with Hidden Sorrow.

While Whitney Houston was loved by those closest to her, over the last decade (or so), many people have issued negative comments and?opinions?about her. Now that she is deceased, some people have changed their Twitter profiles pictures to reflect a picture of her. Many have uploaded?YouTube?video's of themselves singing her songs. Fans have pledged never ending love to her. While all of these things are ways that people cope with grief and loss; it is important to celebrate our loved ones life?while they are alive. Focus on their positive attributes while they can?receive?your encouragement; and let go of grudges with ex-spouses and step-family members while there is time. The people we love should not have to wait until the afterlife to find out that they are "good enough".

For helpful articles about coping with death and grief go to:

Source: http://blendedfamilymoments.blogspot.com/2012/02/from-outside-looking-in-dealing-with.html

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