Liver Rounds: A Day At The Cardiologist

"Sit down Mr. Rutledge. Now, why are you here?"
" Um, because my doctor wanted your opinion on my ECG."

Don't these doctors read?

" I see. Could you get up on the table and take your shirt off, please." Listening to my chest and then: "You're a bit of a large one, aren't you?"

And so it begins.

"Yeah, I might be a few pounds over weight."
"Well, more than just a few."
"Yeah."
" Ok, you can get down and put your shirt on..."

?Here it comes.

"...ok Mr. Rutledge, having checked your test I would say that the thickening is probably normal due to your age and weight. ?Have you given any thought to losing some of it?"

I wonder if this guy gets out of his office much.

"Yes. ?I have considered it for most of the last 20 years or so."
"Well, maybe you should just start getting down to doing something about it."

God! I wish I'd thought of that!

"Well, doctor, it's not that I don't have the best intentions, but to be frank, I have probably lost the equivalent of your entire weight over those same 20 years only to keep putting it back on. ?And, I am just sick of constantly thinking about every damn thing I put in my mouth, not to mention the hours wasted at the gym."
"Well, it does take a little bit of will power, but it can be done. If you cut out the white foods and limit your use of butter and sugar. I'm sure you think you are doing wonderful things by substituting olive oil for butter, but you really need to limit all your fats and ...blah, blah, blah..."

Is that a real diploma? Man, did I remember to pay MasterCard this month? I bet he paid more for his desk than I paid for my Smart Car.

"...for instance, if you just cut out the alcohol...let's do the math here...300 calories per...6-7...carry the one...yeah, there you go, the equivalent of about 15lbs ..."

Is this guy new?

"...and perhaps you could give some thought to walking a little each day?"

Really?

"Well, that's a great idea, doc. ?How about, say...12 kilometres a day...and, I strap 30 pounds or so to my back just to build the intensity?"
"Well, don't get ahead of yourself, start with a 30 minute walk in the evening and..."
"Let me stop you there, doctor. ?I'm a letter carrier, I am already doing the 12 K with the added weight. A stroll around the block won't even get me warmed up."
"Oh, I didn't realize..."
"Look, part of the issue is that my knee is arthritic and by the time I am home from work the last thing my legs want is more exercise, so I get comfortable on the couch and try not to eat."
"Well, you can't just make excuses. ?You have to start losing some weight or one day your heart will just give up and that will be the end..."

Sounds perfect!

"...now look at me, I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast yesterday other than a cup of coffee this morning..."

Explains a lot.

"...and I'm not even hungry."
"Want to do that and try coming with me on my route in 35 celsius weather?"
"I know it's not practical for you to eat nothing, but maybe stay away from the starches and fats and try and get more vegetables and whole grains into you. ?And you need to stop thinking about food all the time..."

What?! ?Really? ?That's possible? ?Doctor, I do eat pretty nutritious food. ?I eat a variety of foods, love veggies, fish, fruits. ?I attempt to go meatless at least once a week. ?I try very hard to limit my alcohol to just weekends and then to as little as possible. ?But, no matter what I eat, I can tell you, I am probably going to eat more than I need to. ?Please don't tell me that whole grains will make me feel fuller longer: they don't. ?Nor does more protein; nor does more fat, dairy or any other suggested food type. ?I am hungry immediately after eating. ?I could eat you and on my way out of your office chow down on a small receptionist or two. ?And, despite that constant hunger I do try to limit my consumption. ?I think about food because I am constantly thinking about how much I just ate and how much more I should eat.

I think less about eating food, though, then I do about producing it, preparing it, serving it. ?Food is not just something to fill my stomach; it is something that enhances moments together with friends. ?Alcohol does the same, and loosens lips to open conversation and gives people the confidence to express opinions. ?Food and drink do far more to bring family, friends and even communities closer together than maybe any other part of our culture. ?Are rich foods and alcohol absolutely necessary? ?Absolutely not! ?But it sure makes this "life of quiet desperation" a little more bearable.

I am single and childless and my health affects no one other than me. ?And, even if it didn't, so what? ?Whether I am 50 or 150 when I die, I am sure there will be someone who will be a little sad to see me go. ?But, loss is just as much a part of life as love, laughter and dancing. ?Melancholy enhances merriment as much as food and drink; ever been to an Irish wake?

Look in your office, doctor, and see all those old (and I might add, skinny) men. ?Watch them struggle to walk with their little walkers keeping them from falling over. ?Listen to them talk about nothing but their health and illnesses and afflictions. ?Look how their wives have to carry instructions and prescriptions in their purses for them everywhere they go so they remember their appointments and medications and, fuck, just to breath. ?What do you think they think about? ?They think about mortality and how soon it's going to come. ?So, frankly, I would rather think about food and beer and wine and music and literature and life. ?And, if you could arrange it, have the end come when I am least thinking about it.

"...so you will try and give a little thought to losing a few pounds?"
"Of course."
"And, I'll schedule you for a stress echo in a couple of weeks here at the office."

Of course.

Source: http://liverrounds.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-day-at-cardiologist.html

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