ThisIsKitty Stranger
Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 158
Last seen: 14 minutes, 31 seconds
Basically what Homosexual ODC is, is being worried that you might be a closet case but you really arent. It causes you to completely reassure that you are straight and you get fucked up thoughts. Its a constant battle.. Its like torture
Im about to turn 20, ive been straight all my life and the thought of being with another dude to me is disgusting and unappealing. But then Homo OCD kicks in and Im thinking like OHH SHIT WHAT IF IM GAY and you start thinking of gay shit to reassure that you arent aroused by it. You get stupid thoughts.. Its hard to explain. For a split second your mind tells you that you could possibly be attracted to a guy, but you know for a fact you cant. Ive done minor research on it and I have all the symptoms of HOCD. Has anyone had this? Apparently its normal at this age because the hormones are still out of whack and its your sub conscious trying to sort shit out.
I even put on gay porn to see if it arrouses me, I closed it after 20 seconds because nothing happened and I felt like an idiot.
THIS. SUCKS. SO. MUCH. I dont know how or where I got this shit from. I could browse the internet all day in the past and not give a damn about dudes. Now if I see a guys face whos good looking in a girls eye, I question myself. Even though I know im not.. I have peace for maybe 30 mins a day when my mind forgets about it, but everything reminds me and its back to the same cycle of bullshit.
http://www.ocdla.com/blog/sexual
One thing that I think triggered this was, whenever I see a healthy dudes body, like really muscular or shaped. I get these thoughts. But its because I WANT for my own. But then I think Im gay and its like.. dude you wanan TOUCH that body. No shit, Id touch the shit out of it if I had it. Heres a qoute from a website.
QUOTE/UNQUOTE (Since my quote buttons dont work)
1) These thoughts always seem threatening at first, but all they could be is a new 'comfort' and 'consciousness' (rather than fantasy) with Male sexuality. Think about it, before you didn't think much of it - Now, you're just more conscious of these reactions. Big deal eh? You're now Fully aware that you observe other guy's bodies because it's healthy looking - Not because you're 'attracted' to it emotionally/sexually.
Edited by ThisIsKitty (11/30/12 03:28 PM)
fallingbacktoearth Leave out meaning this time
Registered: 10/27/12
Posts: 80
Last seen: 1 day, 7 hours
every straight person "represses" homosexual tendencies to a large degree. the more you repress it, the more fearful you become of the idea itself. that's why super-straight people hate gays, they're just projecting their own fear of being gay onto others.
just accept the fact that everyone is bi-sexual to some degree and move on. if all of us weren't somewhat "gay" it would be impossible to even have social relations with people of the same sex, no joke.
you just have to accept the fact that you're somewhat gay, just like everyone else. it doesn't mean you have to fuck guys lol, just accept that you have the capacity to love people of the same sex. big deal.
i love my male friends, that doesn't make me gay. it just shows i can love. who cares.
ThisIsKitty Stranger
Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 158
Last seen: 14 minutes, 31 seconds
Quote:
fallingbacktoearth said:
every straight person "represses" homosexual tendencies to a large degree. the more you repress it, the more fearful you become of the idea itself. that's why super-straight people hate gays, they're just projecting their own fear of being gay onto others.just accept the fact that everyone is bi-sexual to some degree and move on. if all of us weren't somewhat "gay" it would be impossible to even have social relations with people of the same sex, no joke.
you just have to accept the fact that you're somewhat gay, just like everyone else. it doesn't mean you have to fuck guys lol, just accept that you have the capacity to love people of the same sex. big deal.
i love my male friends, that doesn't make me gay. it just shows i can love. who cares.
Yeah I also read up that not everyone is 100% straight. This post reassure me lots. I just did some thinking too. Im not against gay people, and if I think of 2 guys fucking.. I dont really care I just dont agree with it. But damn, this shit can have you going crazy. In a way Id blame society but I guess im part of the problem
Edited by ThisIsKitty (11/30/12 03:34 PM)
akumushi hunter/gatherer
?
Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 591
Last seen: 31 seconds
Quote:
ThisIsKitty said:
Basically what Homosexual ODC is, is being worried that you might be a closet case but you really arent. It causes you to completely reassure that you are straight and you get fucked up thoughts. Its a constant battle.. Its like tortureIm about to turn 20, ive been straight all my life and the thought of being with another dude to me is disgusting and unappealing. But then Homo OCD kicks in and Im thinking like OHH SHIT WHAT IF IM GAY and you start thinking of gay shit to reassure that you arent aroused by it. You get stupid thoughts.. Its hard to explain. For a split second your mind tells you that you could possibly be attracted to a guy, but you know for a fact you cant. Ive done minor research on it and I have all the symptoms of HOCD. Has anyone had this? Apparently its normal at this age because the hormones are still out of whack and its your sub conscious trying to sort shit out.
I even put on gay porn to see if it arrouses me, I closed it after 20 seconds because nothing happened and I felt like an idiot.
THIS. SUCKS. SO. MUCH. I dont know how or where I got this shit from. I could browse the internet all day in the past and not give a damn about dudes. Now if I see a guys face whos good looking in a girls eye, I question myself. Even though I know im not.. I have peace for maybe 30 mins a day when my mind forgets about it, but everything reminds me and its back to the same cycle of bullshit.
http://www.ocdla.com/blog/sexual
-orientation-hocd-gay-ocd-treatme nt-1010
Sorry to hear that you're suffering.? The fact that this even exists as a diagnosis seems to me to be a result of our culture's current fixation on identity and gender, and our obsessive need as a society to label things.? Who fucking cares if you're gay or straight?? Would it change anything if you were 98% straight and 2% gay?? Does labelling it that way mean anything significant toward the life you want to live?? Does it matter if your gay/straight ratio is 80/20, 05/95, or 00/100?? I think the postmodern preoccupation with identity is the culmination of petty, bourgeois solipsism.? ? ?
You're young and you still care how others perceive you, I get it.? You're probably worried about getting a partner that lives up to your expectations (which are artificially high because of our media), and worried about whether or not you're alpha enough to get her.? 20 is an anxious time when you don't know who you are or what you want to do with your life.? If the OCD is interfering with your life, you might need some anti-anxiety meds or just some structured meditation.? I recommend reading some books on Zen and taking a high dose of psilocybin then pondering these questions again, and you'll see how positively ludicrous the whole idea of identity is.? It's a fiction you've created for your own entertainment, nothing else, so if it's no longer fun, then just let it go.? A little ego death now and then is good for one's soul.? 
ThisIsKitty Stranger
Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 158
Last seen: 14 minutes, 31 seconds
Its funny, I never actually told anyone I have HOCD because theyd assume I was gay. Writing it here actually eased the anxiety a lot. Along with the feedback.
At this point I just dont care. I know im not gay, If I admire a guys body or looks its natural. Guys do it all the time. Its no different from old heads calling younger men handsome. I dont want to be a homophobe and hate people, but at the same time I dont really agree with it. But I can accept it and it doesnt bother me
Seems like im comfortable with my sexuality again. Ill tell you though.. that was some of the most mental torture ive endured.
Edited by ThisIsKitty (11/30/12 04:08 PM)
Quote:
ThisIsKitty said:
Its funny, I never actually told anyone I have HOCD because theyd assume I was gay. Writing it here actually eased the anxiety a lot. Along with the feedback.At this point I just dont care. I know im not gay, If I admire a guys body or looks its natural. Guys do it all the time. Its no different from old heads calling younger men handsome. I dont want to be a homophobe and hate people, but at the same time I dont really agree with it. But I can accept it and it doesnt bother me
Seems like im comfortable with my sexuality again. Ill tell you though.. that was some of the most mental torture ive endured.
I had HOCD since i was a senior in high school it subsided like 95 percent after a while
it was really really annoying and shit for a few months
doing lsd made me get over it for the most part
i believe a website like nueroticplanet.com or something similar has a forum about it
but yea hopefully you'll ust like kinda grow out of it that's what happened to me
Hey man, I used to have the same thing when I was your age. It was pretty annoying. You'll grow out of though--no worries.
My experience with the HOCD thing came after two gay dudes came on to me. I started thinking, shit, do they see something that I don't see? Stupid thoughts like that. It took me a while to realize that some gay dudes are just like that, and will hit on other dudes either way.
When I had those OC thoughts, they'd usually only stick around for a few days, then I'd forget about it. How long have you been going through it?
What helped get me through those shitty stretches was simply accepting that I might be gay, and that I would have no problem with my self if I was gay because there is nothing wrong with it. I always knew that I wasn't actually gay, but accepting those thoughts and trying to understand them, instead of suppress them, usually made it go away.
And some-times I'd walk past a chick with a fine ass or something and realize my 'straightness'.
Good luck man
Edited by Anonymous (11/30/12 04:31 PM)
B0b0 Sage
Registered: 09/23/11
Posts: 393
Last seen: 1 day, 2 hours
To OP, duuude calm down - it's perfectly normal to notice if a man is attractive, you got to evaluate the competition, amiright?!
I don't know if this will help you but for me I don't believe in sexual distinction - that's right there is no thing as "straight, bi, gay" in my opinion. People are just sexual, just like every other fucking mammal on this planet that don't distinguish between "gay" and "straight" sexual actions (ie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hom
Small potatoes though, sexuality doesn't define a person.
Tokesmoke low life
Registered: 06/24/12
Posts: 171
Last seen: 1 day, 49 minutes
Kitty you are soooooo gay
fallingbacktoearth Leave out meaning this time
Registered: 10/27/12
Posts: 80
Last seen: 1 day, 7 hours
Quote:
ThisIsKitty said:
Its funny, I never actually told anyone I have HOCD because theyd assume I was gay. Writing it here actually eased the anxiety a lot. Along with the feedback.At this point I just dont care. I know im not gay, If I admire a guys body or looks its natural. Guys do it all the time. Its no different from old heads calling younger men handsome. I dont want to be a homophobe and hate people, but at the same time I dont really agree with it. But I can accept it and it doesnt bother me
Seems like im comfortable with my sexuality again. Ill tell you though.. that was some of the most mental torture ive endured.
damn that was a quick recovery lol. us shroomerites should become certified therapists or something... 
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akumushi hunter/gatherer
?Registered: 10/30/11
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Last seen: 31 seconds
ThisIsKitty Stranger
Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 158
Last seen: 14 minutes, 31 seconds
Quote:
akumushi said:
Peek out of closet,
go back inside.
Yeahh then you get ppl like this who should be banned.
akumushi hunter/gatherer
?Registered: 10/30/11
Posts: 591
Last seen: 31 seconds
Quote:
ThisIsKitty said:Quote:
akumushi said:
Peek out of closet,go back inside.
Yeahh then you get ppl like this who should be banned.
Chill out, I gave you a very detailed and affirmative response to your question, that was a tongue in cheek joke. 
ThisIsKitty Stranger
Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 158
Last seen: 14 minutes, 31 seconds
Ohh :l I just realized it was you who gave me the advice LOL.. I thought you were a random troll. Sorry, Im just a little edgy right now
Im usually not like this, im the tooth and nail kind of guy who doesnt really give a fuck. Strong will power and what not.. so this whole situation throws me off. I fucking hate it.
Edited by ThisIsKitty (11/30/12 08:11 PM)
akumushi hunter/gatherer
?Registered: 10/30/11
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Almond Flour 
Registered: 12/26/08
Posts: 7,892
Last seen: 4 hours, 42 minutes
I suffer from OCD as well. Lots of intrusive thoughts and In my teens went through a similar experiance.
If you want them to go away accept them. Be at peace with the fact that you very well could have homosexual tendencies! We all do bro, even if we want to admit this or not. I believe for most homosexuality is indeed a choice....and your no different.
Once you accept this fact, it will dissapear....however with OCD it will take on a new form. You will worry about something ELSE! 
Your feeling anxious for a reason, and your mind grasps stupid ass reasons to feel anxious because they are situations you can control.
Seek out why your anxious in the first place
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In other words, thinking outside the box might be facilitated by having a somewhat less intact box. -Random Doctor 
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition
-Timothy Leary
Everyone has their own unique brand of toxic psychosis
-Alexander shulgin 
gary gnu Stranger
Registered: 09/17/12
Posts: 120
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OP, you sound like classic closet case. I think you might really be gay. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. What's wrong is trying to deny it if you are. Just think of what you could be missing out on. Maybe you should try it once or twice just to make absolutely sure you're not. Then you can move on with the rest of your life. You're still young, so what the hell, just give it a whirl. There's no shame in that game. It's better to find out now rather than after you have a wife and kids and find yourself ducking into gay bath houses behind your wife's back. That shit happens all the time. I would suspect it's because people supress their urges their whole lives, then one day it just explodes like a big gay volcano. Don't be a big gay volcano.
Edited by gary gnu (12/01/12 02:44 AM)
Othyem ?
Registered: 04/17/09
Posts: 782
Last seen: 22 hours, 50 minutes
.
Edited by koraks (12/01/12 03:32 AM)
PocketLady 
Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 248
Loc: UK
The trick with OCD is not to let the thoughts bother you.? The very reason you have the thoughts is because you don't want to have them and are trying to make them stop.? It's like someone saying "you're not allowed to think of the colour red" and everyone automatically thinks of the colour red.? If you are satisfied that you are not gay and don't feel like it's something you need to explore further then just see the thoughts for what they are, absurd.? Laugh at them and laugh at yourself, then they'll go away.? And even if they don't, you won't care about them any more!
Everyone has fucked up thoughts from time to time, and usually they are the worst thing we could imagine at any given time.? E.g a mother thinking about dropping her baby or a religious person blaspheming god.? Most people just let them go but OCDers latch onto the thoughts and obsess that they are bad people/gay etc for having them, and then the thoughts reoccur.? Let them go and they won't bother you any more.
Edited by PocketLady (12/01/12 07:52 AM)
ThisIsKitty Stranger
Registered: 10/17/12
Posts: 158
Last seen: 14 minutes, 31 seconds
@Gary, closet case is different. Period. Its a type of OCD and clearly, you can see people here have suffered from it too. Did you even read any of the posts? The worst thing you can do with someone who has HOCD is tell them theyre a closet case.
Edited by ThisIsKitty (12/01/12 12:01 PM)
Source: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/17309392
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